Embrace the Journey

I’m 41 years old, with 4 beautiful kids, a awesome husband and a very busy life. What did God have in mind when he sent me my last angel with Down Syndrome? Micah is now 9 months old, and I thought I had given up this question. In the deepest part of my heart, that thought whispers in my ears at the oddest times. I can be driving down the street after bringing my son to school, or in the line at Starbucks. At night I often awaken to the the calls of “what did God have in mind…” Why did he choose me and my family for this journey? I ponder and pray, and wait for answers. I long to know why. Part of me is still in shock that Micah was chosen for me. I mean really, my famous line to my friends and family was, “I’m not a kid person, and I’m not good with kids”. My second line was IM DONE having them:) Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids to death, but I’m definitely not the person people call to babysit their kids. When I found out I was pregnant(mind you my last child is eight) the first response from my friends and family, was, WHO is pregnant? NO, NO Nina !Oh my !I’m laughing as I write this. So, again, what did God have in mind? I don’t believe that we will have all the questions answered, of why did this happen, or why me, because frankly, God is God and he can do what he wants when he wants, and he doesn’t answer to us. Although God doesn’t answer to us, he loves us, and wants the best for us. I realize that the scripture in the bible that says, God works all things for the good for those who love him, applies to me. So what did God have in mind? Like I said, I don’t have all the answers, but over the past months and days, something amazing is happening (notice the something amazing IS happening, not done yet). I’m being changed into a better person. My kids are being changed into more thoughtful, caring, non judgemental people. My husband is more sensitive, and thoughtful towards the people who break the “normal” mold. (by the way, I hate the word normal!) I was living a  good, average income, not poor, good kids, faithful christian life . But there was no real growth as a person. I wasn’t a bad person, just not growing as a human being. Some people are happy with no change, but I want to be better, learn from mistakes, not be as selfish, be more honest, open, loving, giving to others, not so self absorbed. I prayed for these attributes for years, and made some progress but basically it was going slowly.I was always crying to God saying, ”please, change me, help me be more like you”. So what did God have in mind sending me a child with Down Syndrome? He sent me an  answer to prayers that I had been praying for years. The day Micah was born, he created in me a heart that can feel the deepest pain, so I could feel others pain in a real way. He gave me the ability to look at imperfection by the worlds standards, and see it as beautiful and perfect by his standards. I can accept the things I cannot change, and change the things I have the ability to change. I now appreciate the small things. I’m not concerned about what my kids can’t do, but what they can do. A smile that so many times  would be overlooked on my childrens faces becasue of business, I now see.  I now notice every little giggle, every smile. In conversations I use to be proud to say, yes my baby is so smart, he is already saying words, and almost walking. Now I’m proud to say, look at my babies smile, he stares at me when I sing him a song, look he is reaching for me. I was so busy before just doing what I was supposed to, what most moms do, that I missed the small stuff. I now pray for other peoples babies who have far more needs than mine. Like the baby I met in San Francisco named Christina, who had heart surgery like Micah, but had a stroke during the surgery and now is blind. I pray for others. In a world that thinks of themselves, keeps to themselves, I can say that I have experienced the best of the human heart. I stood next to a lady at a special Olympics event who I had never met. As we were watching the kids with various disabilities, including  children with down syndrome run a race, we looked at each other with tears streaming down both our cheeks, and hugged each other. Strangers bound together by a moment in time that I will never forget. We cried at the human spirit, the goodness in all of us, the faces of the imperfect giving their all, while we supported and cheered them. W

Micah, my Blessing from God

e are all connected, God put love in us all.

     I can write all night about the experience I’ve had in the past 9 months. So What did God have in mind? I believe he has a purpose for all of us. Micah’s purpose was to help me and my family become better people, more loving, caring, and accepting. Micah’s birth has already taken me to places I have never been, and brought people in my life that I would have never met. He makes people happy, and he makes me happy. God got my attention, and answered my prayers. I think sometimes we don’t expect to get the answers in creative ways. I’m closer to God, my family, friends, and my community. My purpose is to  help, encourage, love, pray for others and do whatever God ask me to do with the life he has given me. What I thought was not a good situation ended up being the BEST! I hit the lottery of heaven. I’m changing, I have a beautiful family, and a special gift sent directly from God to change me and the world around me… my designer chromosome baby…. What did God have in mind?? The BEST BLESSING he could ever give me.