Embrace the Journey

        It was a great day Sept 18th, as we celebrated my son’s 12th birthday with a slumber party(His first).  All 4 invited kids, along with my own 4, plus a friend all piled in cars to head for my daughters high school football game. Mason wanted to go to the football game for his birthday, and we actually have a nephew on the team(not blood nephew but very close), so we decided to  watch him play. Not only did we all go, but my parents went also.  It was a fun hour drive listening to Michael Jackson as a child, along with the gang in the back singing back round. Micah was in his car seat grunting to the music, and it was a fine day for a celebration.

     It’s so funny, this past year , I can be going along fine, minding my own business, taking in the sights and smells of the activities  the family is participating in, and sirens go off in my head, I see red flags, and my emotions start to flare up like fireworks. It doesn’t take much for me these days to fill my mind with thought provoking questions brought on by others. I promise,I’m not looking for these things ,they just come to me. Every time I write a post, it’s really my way of “dealing” with it. I’m going to be very honest in this post, because this blog really is for my piece of mind. Even though this is for me, I do hope that someone can relate and be helped in some way by my honesty, and maybe not so politically right thinking.

     okay, here I go,  today I hate teenagers, yesterday I hated the target cashier, and today, I haven’t been out  of the house, so everyone is safe!! ahhhh, that felt good. Really , I don’t hate these people, but I’m beyond irritated with them at the moment. Let me focus on the Friday night football game. All is well, we are sitting in the bleachers, the whole gang is there. Micah is being passed around by everyone, because he is so cute. He is sporting his Blue Harry Potter glasses ( I don’t do Harry Potter, but you will get a visual of his glasses), that wrap around his little head. The glasses really look like cabbage patch kid glasses, but that is so 80’s I use the HP visual. There is a part of me that hates when I put the glasses on him because it causes a lot of attention. The pssst pssst you hear as you walk by  people, the comments you get, like, what does he use the glasses for? ( this is so funny, like he is going to read the football program to us, so we put them on him)People are all well meaning, and I guess, I’m just going to have to laugh and roll with the punches.  So Micah ends up on my daughters lap. We are watching the football game and my friend nudges me and says look ,there is Nick. Now I have seen Nick at several of the games  in the past years, but honestly I was never really interested in him, all I knew was he  had down syndrome and he was just another kid running around the field, who had a brother on the team.  I was never interested in how he acted, how he spoke, or his interest until this night. Now that I had Micah things changed. Now I was overly wanting to talk to him, observe him, and get to know him. He was a connection to the future that Micah may have, that I may have with M icah. He was like looking at a living book on people with down syndrome. It’s as close as I could get to imagining a future for my child with down syndrome. Now, we don’t know the futures of our typical kids, but we have so so many examples that we see daily without even knowing it.  For me, it’s like having the only high tech piece of equipment in a 100 mile radius, and I’m not sure how to use  the equipment  or what it will do, and I happen to be at a football game and someone pulls out the same piece of equipment  I  have. Excitement fills my heart because I  get to see how the equipment works, I will see all the details about the equipment for for the first time, I will  see the equipment work with someone who knows how to operate it. For everyone else in the stands, who cares, their equipment is standard. They don’t have a clue what you have, and they have no interest in knowing, they have  the model everyone else has, so need to learn about the something different. So when I saw Nick , my focus changed from watching football,  to wathing Nicks  interactions, and dealings with others, especially popular teenagers.

     Nick walked by, up and down the front of the stands, yelling and hoot and hollering. Raising his hands like someone excited to be at a football game. Now, I do know that people with Down syndrome learn habits, good and bad, just like we all do, except their bad habits are harder to break. With that said,  I am not sure if what he was yelling was ,”Praise the Lord” or something  a little bit bolder, but still, he was like a 9 year old in a 14 year old body. He approached a group of kids who seemed to be some of the popular kids, girls and boys. I immediatley observed, but didn’t mention this to my friend. An uneasiness  came upon the teenagers.  We really don’t expose our kids to disabled or mentally challenged people. I started to fight back sad feelings as I thought of Micah as teenager and the what if’s that could happen. What will he be like? Will he ???? I don’t really  know what I’m wondering? The kids were looking back and forth at each other with “the stupid look”, mouth  hanging, eyes rolled up in their heads look, mocking how they percieved Nick. No one saw me observing this at the time, and I tried not to draw attention by making the remarks I wanted to make.(Embarrassing my daughter wouldn’t be good, she is shy) I brushed it off and tried to not worry about it. I got Micah and went for a walk with a friend . During that walk I heard several remarks and looks about Micah’s glasses, but again, shrugged my shoulders and took my little cabbage Patch doll for a walk.

     As I walked up the hill to return to my seat, I was greeted by my daughter and her friends.  I could see that my daughter was upset.  Macie then told me how the group in front of her were making fun of Nick and acting “Retarded”. My heart hurt for her. My heart hurt for Nick , and Micah. Honestly, my heart hurt  for me. I’m not proud of this, but I marched over to the bleachers, asked my mom if they were making fun of Nick, and my mom, said yes. I was devastated inside. Teenagers can exaggerate, and maybe not see whats really happening, but when my mom confirmed what my daughter said, and that it was so upsetting to Macie she had to leave, I was sent into dark place for a moment. ANGER, HURT, RESENTMENT, RAGE. I felt these emotions like  a huge wave crashing on the shore. What would I do with these feelings? Well, I’m not proud of myself, but I thought I was in the wild west for a moment, and I stared down one girl with the eyes of fire. If I would have had a squirt gun I may have squirted her. Not one of my proud Mommy moments, but it’s the truth. I can’t believe I,  a 41 year old women wanted to smash the heads of 15 years olds. They are only kids, they are acting like 15 year olds!

      My daughter and I talked. She cried, I cried, how could Christian people be so mean? ( not just Christians either)Well, I’m a adult Christian and I could have beat some teenagers up, so let’s have a little grace. I need to act like a responsible Christian women. I should not have wanted to squirt them, I should have prayed for them(saying what I’m supposed to here!) We are all human, we make mistakes. But what I realize is this. WE need to hold our teenagers, little ones, and those in between ,responsible for how they treat people. There is no excuse for a teenager to make fun of a person who is different. WE the parents are responsible to teach our children, bring them to functions with people who are different than us, and  engage in relationships with special needs  people(and every kind of person) . We need to INTERACT with others. If we don’t teach our children there will be a world of perfection in the future, where if you are not the  perfect looking human, the smartest, the most healthiest, the right sex, and a vast pool of other attributes , you will be aborted. It’s our children who will change the world by accepting people for who God created them to be. Our kids will see the value of all people if we show them the value now. It says in the bible that God knit us together in our mothers womb. Some of us are 12×12 with rough thread, and some us are 32×32 made of silk. We all have value. We should work on teaching our kids how to value all life with its differences, rather than how much money are you going to make when you grow up. We should teach are kids the correct meaning and usage of the word RETARDED, instead of using it to describe our neighbors, or the bum down the street. It is us, the Parents, and the Adults who teach our kids who will help to form the minds and opinions of our future generation. God forgive me for ever making fun of someone. You really don’t think about it until it happens to you. Until you Love someone with down syndrome, or someone with autism, or cerebral palsy. How do we change the world.. Look into your own heart, your own words towards others. Reach out and find someone different to love, and take your kids with you. We have been changed by Micah. There will be pain I know, but nothing worth it is free. I want to love and see others as our creator does.  WE are wonderfully and fearfully made! My husband, myself,  and all my children, will value the uniqueness of all of Gods creation, by being given the opportunity to Love Micah, who will teach us daily:)

     So, I cried after the friday night football game!  But,

Have a blessed day!  Nina